


A tale of Creek and Kingdoms full of idiots

by orphan_account



Category: South Park
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, South Park: The Stick of Truth, gaygaygay, south park - Freeform, south park stick of truth au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-13
Updated: 2016-06-11
Packaged: 2018-05-06 14:14:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5420126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Craig is an elf in this fic don't judge my ways)<br/>17 year Craig Tucker or Feldspar meets human shopkeeper 16 year old Tweek Tweak right before another huge fucking war and they fall in love so buckle the fuck up this is going to be a feels trip in later chapters and also some smut here or there but I'm bad at summaries just please read</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Unexpected shop visitor

**Author's Note:**

> lmao ive been wanting to write this forever and now im posting it on my birthday  
> haha enjoy  
> and if you ever want to yell at me @sunkiids is my instagram

All has been peaceful in the kingdoms of Kupa and Zaron since the stick was eradicated, war has no broken out in 5 years, but things seem to be changing, and nobody knows what to do.

A young paladin strides into the main hall where the great wizard resides, humming peacefully to himself a tune about apples as he kneels before the mighty wizard King Cartman, unfortunately being the bearer of bad news, he spoke up, "Oh mighty one, I am sorry to say that a new threat may be upon the horizon, a group of elves were attacked yesterday and Elf King Kyle wanted to alert you" the great one stifled a laugh "HA! Dumbass, of course he's just pulling our legs butters, don't tell me you believed him, right?" The paladin weakly responded "no sir, I did not believe the rumors, but as my duty l-" "yeah yeah honor and respect anyways ok butters thanks you can leave now." And so he did, taking along his trusty hammer and honor with hi into the village of the humans.

 

As the noble paladin was passing by he stopped by a small building where a certain barbarian was closing up shop for the day "h-H-hey butters! Y-you wanna c-c-cup of coffee?" The noble paladin agreed and followed the striped boy into the tavern, it was dark,but there was a candle and a table with two cups of the barbarians coffee, his family had been known for its drinks since the beginning of the reign of The great wizard King, Tweek Tweak was his name and he was a nice sort of boy for only 16 although a bit on the jittery side but meant well. The two sat At the dingy table and sipped the beverage, not paying attention to the thief lurking in the corner

 

. The thief was a 17 year old boy with striking blue eyes and silky black hair by name of Craig Tucker who was on a mission to rob this place as a scare to the humans fortress. Craig made his way along the wall, hidden in shadows, his job was simple, rob this place, run, and return to Kyle, what he didn't expect was for there to be more than one person here, and he looked like a member of the kings ridiculous royal guard, so being caught wouldn't end well at all. Moving to the left near the sack of coins that was Tweek's earnings, he nearly faltered and stumbled to the floor, the person sitting to left of the paladin was, what's the word, breathtaking.

His golden yellow hair stuck up at odd angles, but it oddly suited him, he seemed jittery, his hands shaking on his coffee cup, but had a smile on his face as he talked to the paladin, he was just so domestic looking, even with stripes covering his scrawny torso, he looked so vulnerable, like he would react to the slightest of touches and easily give up a fight, he seemed like he needed to be protected, but Craig couldn't be the one to do that, he was here to hurt him, not help him. So he grabbed the bag and ran away, not even disturbing the two blondes happily chattering, until he burst out the back door, he heard a "what was that?" "I-I-I do-nt know, ack!" And soon 4 more feet were upon the ground, chasing after him "HEY YOU, I DEMAND YOU STOP AT ONCE" that meant absolutely nothing to the thief, he had no time for people like that. "S-sir! Please stop, that's all I h-have!" God Craig wanted more than anything to stop and give the money back, and plant a kiss one the guys head, too bad he couldn't, so he ran off into the distance, feeling like more of a prick than usual. 

 

Upon arriving back at the leafy fortress of the lands of Zaron, Craig kneeled down to the great elf King "my liege, I have stolen the money from the opposing kingdom as you wished, is there anything else's I can do for you?" The Elven lord replied "not at the moment, no, thank you for your trouble Craig, now if you could excuse me I need to have a rather lengthy chat with Stanley so I'll be off" Kyle said before leaving to his chambers, being followed by his second in command warrior Stanley Marsh, the two were rumored to secretly be lovers but after seeing this turn of events Craig was sure that it wasn't just a rumor, not that he cared of course. The thief returned to his chambers, plopping down on his straw mattress, all he could think about was that boy, his name was Tweek, and while running away from him he finally figured out what exactly he looked like to him, he looked so submissive, as if he could be manipulated by anything, Craig could only imagine the feel of his skin, the sound of his voice as he whined and writhed in pleasure, the-. Craig was confused, why was he feeling like this,about a guy! He liked girls, or so he thought, but why was he so worked up over this guy? It made him feel things he had never felt before, the thief had always been an unemotional kind of person, but this person, this guy made him want to do things he'd never done before. Our thief, dubbed feldspar rested his head on the walls of his room, he lived in the castle of the elves as the Kings main underground operator, so he had privileges. Feldspar slowly unbuttoned his cape and fumbled with his leg straps until he was exposed, "just think of girls, then this will all be over..". After a first touch, Craig tried to imagine one of the most attractive girls in the kingdom, Wendy Testaburger naked in front of him, it wasn't doing anything, nothing was happening, his mind kept wandering back to Tweek, with one eye closed and pert nipples, his squeaky voice ringing clearly through Craig's mind, and that alone nearly sent him over the edge, "fuck!" He said through gritted teeth, this almost never happened, feldspar never really had these urges but after seeing this guy that went out the window, nothing was working for him, nothing could keep his mind off of this guy, Craig was infatuated with him. After a rather erotic few minutes feldspar felt too tired to carry on, but he knew the next day he would go back to the opposing kingdom and return the money to the boy, and try to forget about him, thieves work alone right? Well that's what feldspar thought would work for him. 

 

The next day Craig awoke to a dark room and wet floors, probably an ambush from the human kingdom again. The thief soon made his way out into the hall and past the large chamber door belonging to the king, very er.. Suspicious noises could be heard emitting from it, not that it was anything new of course. Donning his signature brown cape and blue hat Craig left the small Elven castle to sneak into the fortress of the human kingdom. Feldspar made his way across the lands in between the the kingdoms and snuck into a small Inn ran by some female humans with rather large breasts and faces caked by makeup, not nearly as endearing as Tweek, not that Tweek was endearing of course but just to show that they were ugly feldspar assured himself while walking down the dingy streets, he passed by a few artisan shops and weaponries, along with herds of cattle occasionally passing by, back in the elven lands nobody ate meat so cows were a rare sight, even for a thief like Craig. Finally feldspar saw the familiar broken cobble and plywood entrance to the small tavern dubbed “Tweak co. Coffee & Spirits”.

 

When walking into the place Craig got to see a frontal view of the shop, nothing special really, just an average place for men and women to get drunk off their pathetic asses in. The thief began to make his way up to the front of the shop where the boy was happily greeting customers. When the thief reached the boy he got to see his face in much greater detail than the night before, all he could think was cute . His nose was turned up slightly and he had the biggest green eyes the thief had ever seen, and his lips were so pink and kissable it was upsetting, “uh, s-sir are you g-oing to get anything?” he quivered “yes actually i’ll have a black coffee if you please, and also here, i’m sorry” Craig said giving the bag of money back to Tweek. The boy's eyes widened when he saw the money and promptly looked back up at the thief, who he found quite attractive “thank you, also can i see them?” he said to the stoic noirette, his expression went from stony to surprised and blushy the millisecond he had uttered the words “what do you want to see?” he replied, “your ears, and come with me” Tweek was able to muster, he felt courageous near the attractive thief, mostly because he was intimidated by him. The two went out to the back of the shop as soon as Tweek had mentioned it and Craig pulled off his hat, revealing his pointed ears “you happy now?” he said with a hint of annoyance in his tone, “yes, but one more thing, what would your name be?” Tweek said yet again without stuttering “My names Craig Tucker but I’m called Feldspar by the entire elven kingdom, and your Tweek Tweak, correct? now sorry to spoil the party but i have to tend to the king and is annoying boyfriend, it was nice to meet you.” and just like that he vanished from the shop and probably the entirety of Kupa Keep. “wow he’s sure something different, fuckwad” Tweek muttered while going back inside, maybe again he would meet the mysterious Craig Tucker, and then again maybe he wouldn’t.


	2. War tactics and dorks being dorks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Begenning of the end of the olden days of zaron and Tweek is a dork

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING   
> MY COMPUTER BROKE   
> Sorry about that, also in the comments I need your guyses opinion for eventual smut,  
> WHO TOPS?

Some people seem to be more fragile than others, yet those same people are holders of great gifts, and those great gifts are of immense power, and when they are used to an advantage they can either help or destroy entire nations. Tweek knew so much more than anyone could’ve fathomed about these special people and he knew that a storm was approaching in the form of one. Tweek thrashed and writhed in his sleep as he was plagued by images of this person taking over the lands of Zaron and Kupa Keep alike and crushing them beneath his foot, the person's name was Clyde Donovan. Clyde was an ordinary human belonging to the working class districts of the kingdom but he had evil intentions, or at least thats what Tweek thought while running to the Grand Wizard Kings castle. The moon was in a full silvery sphere tonight and the snapping of bows and the clashing of swords could be heard distantly from the Elven forest as they trained for any ambush, but Tweek was too preoccupied. When he reached the gate of the castle he swung it open without a second thought, a familiar paladin greeted him with an alarmed look on his face “is everything OK Tweek?” Tweek was too breathless to respond anything comprehendible “the king” he panted “I need to see the king”. 

 

The barbarian was then escorted to castle and faced the king. “Tweek what the fuck do you want I'm trying to sleep” the king said rudely , not really caring about Tweek’s mental state. “y-your m-majesty, i -i sense an evil in the kingdom by the name of Clyde Donovan, he may seem harmless but he is a menace sir.” Tweek puffed out. “really? I knew that shit faced nasal asshole was up to something, get the forces on deck, lets see that fucker burn!” the “great” Wizard King jeered. “Butters! get the army together and we’ll have citizens be enlisted weather they like it or not” The Wizard King ordered before Tweek was ushered to leave. The blonde then ran back to his home to sleep, or try.

The next day the sounds of an elven horn were heard roping in hoards of elves for a meeting at the courtyard of the humans, their king lead them, he was a ginger lanky boy with a long velvet ruby robe with gold accents and a crown of wooden and gold, he was followed by his knight and heaps of elves of every size shape and color, Tweek thought he spotted Craig in the flood of bodies but he didn't get a chance at a second glance . Tweek hurriedly ran to the meeting place and took his seat in the council of human citizens. The elven leader spoke up with a high pitched voice “Alright everybody we are gathered today to discuss the oncoming threat of a wayward human, we need to be prepared for his or hers ambush on our lands. We have heard from anonymous sources that this person is an average joe who works in the storefronts and has a liking for undead things, his name has been released to only some but until this is cleared nobody shall know his name, any objections or can i move on?” the Elf King spoke, waiting for any questions “You're a shitty ginger Kyle!” the Wizard King yelled but nobody paid attention to him anyways. “Moving on we need to train for an ambush and have enough people to do so, which means everybody must prepare for an ambush by picking a partner in the next three days to spar and learn with, the catch is that they must be from the opposing kingdom, I know some of my people and some humans are repulsed by this but we must get along for at least a little while, now I’m sure this won’t be too hard for you to swallow, now anything to say on your behalf Eric?” The Wizard King remained silent so the Elven leader presumed to be named Kyle spoke again “alright you lot, pick a partner!” and went to sit with his second in command and the Wizard King. 

Tweek looked around frantically as he scanned the crowd for anyone he knew, of course all of his friends had always been humans, but he had no elven friends, unless you counted Craig, which he didn’t. In the midst of freaking out to find a sparring partner Craig had made his way over to Tweek’s side without him noticing and grabbed his waist “boo” he said nonchalantly, still scaring Tweek “GAH, .. Craig what was that for?” Tweek quivered, making Craig chuckle, “just wanted to know if you wanted to be my partner or whatever” he said, slowly losing the balance in his voice as he continued, he almost seemed, nervous? 

The two then headed out to yet another lecture and began to fall asleep, well it was more of Craig realizing in horror that Tweek had fallen asleep on him while the elven king droned on and on about some silly topic, but the worst is yet to come.


	3. Don't always stop to smell the roses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot of stuff happens and it gets crazy sorry m80's

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING THIS   
> my computer broke (again)  
> i started new projects and had a lot of stuff to do but now its all good so i should be updating more often now - Olive

The two carried on with their training that was assigned to them. To be honest it was just really really simple stuff, blocking quick attacks, jabbing and regular bare hand fighting. Even Tweek, who was on of the most feeble and weak people in Kupa Keep was pulling along just fine. Our young paladin walks around where his friend and the elven thief were sparring, the two worked almost flawlessly together, movements so in synch that it was baffling to know that they had met only 3 days before. The young paladin now goes back to where the Wizard king had told him to sit and keeps an eye on the clusterfuck below him. In the Kupa courtyard three high pillars keep a small spectators box adjourned with Rubies about 30 ft above the long stretch of grass and limestone. The box also had a birds eye view  of anything that goes on  in the courtyard below, the paladin then dozed off. Soon after he fell asleep two figures snuck out of the courtyard and into the nearing forest. 

“Craig are you sure this is a good idea? I don’t t-think we should b-be sneaking out, what if the Wizard catches us, do you k-know what he’d do to me??” Tweek whimpered as he crept along the dirt path into the forest, “relax Tweek nobody gives a shit” Craig said rather bluntly. “Besides if we search for information rather than train it’s more useful” Tweek thought about this  for a moment, actually  more like a few hours while the two trekked through the dirt and mud to get to a small meadow, Tweek had come there a lot as a child, his mother would bring him there with his brothers and sisters before they had died in a house fire when he was 10. It was a mix of good and bad memories, but today wasn’t for  reminiscing, today was for information. “H-Hey Craig w-what makes you think this is the place where the enemy would hide out?” “just a gut feeling i guess” Craig didn’t seem very sure but Tweek went along with it, “are you seeing anything?” he asked gingerly. 

That's when they heard the screaming.

Being the fucking  _ idiots  _ that they were, Craig and Tweek sprinted in the direction of the cries and the closer they got the less the screams blended together, the voices of the people they knew were in ultimate anguish, and when the two finally reached the courtyard, all that was left was charred bodies and hooded red figures. Craig quickly shielded Tweek behind his back, and whispered “we have to run” but it was to no avail as they were quickly spotted, “Over there!” a deep but familiar voice spoke, pointing to the two. Craig and Tweek took off running in the opposite direction, near the Elf kingdom but when they thought they were safe, a hand clamped over Tweek’s mouth and dragged him away from Craig, who did the only things he knew how to do well

He ran.

Our young paladin in now in the safety of a small room in the Elven kingdom while The Wizard and the Elven King hash it out in the opposing room. The attack was a shock to both the Kingdoms and had killed 200 soldiers, including  Rouge human Kenny Mccormick and his entire Family. This upset the paladin, for the two had been quite good friends. But suddenly the door to the cramped room was opened and a winded Stan came falling through, he soon took off down the nearing hallway and shouted to the bickering Kings that one of the Humans had been kidnapped and would be held at ransom, and that an elf had gone missing. Our trusty paladin’s blood ran cold when he spoke those words, Butters remembered seeing two figures leave before nodding off to sleep, and one was suspiciously Tweek-shaped . All of the sudden the paladin got up from the couch he was sitting on and burst into the room to tell the leaders what he knew, “Excuse me sirs i have information!” The Wizard king sighed “what now butters”  Butters replied “The human that was kidnapped was Tweek Tweak, and i believe his sparring partner was an elf”           

The Elven King then looked up and said “wait, why dont we hold a cenus? Paladin, can you tell me anything about the elf you saw?” The paladin wracked his brain and mumbled “He had black hair, that's all i know” The elven King perked up, “It’s Craig” he spat, angry about losing one of his best thieves and comrades, the Wizard then dismissed Butters back to his chambers. He then went to bed, but before he fell asleep he cast a healing spell on Tweak and wished him luck.

It’s dark

It’s cold.

He couldn’t see or hear anything, the air was dry and burned in his throat, a door opened from another side of the room, filling the room with light, a man stepped in and sat down, he was someone Tweek knew, but his name was on the tip of his tongue. “Hello Tweak , it’s been a long time” the voice said, suddenly Tweak knew who the figure was, but not before the man could slap him across the face “You’re going to tell me everything you know, ok?” Tweak shivered and muttered “Clyde… Please”  But it didn’t do a thing, Clyde slapped, kicked and beat Tweak with everything he had, but the Blonde couldn’t feel a thing, everything had gone numb, after about two hours Clyde had given up on getting any information and promptly picked up Tweak and carried him down an unknown  hallway. When Clyde found the room he was looking for he threw Tweak down on something soft, he still couldn't really feel anything, but he was scared. Clyde had an evil glint in his Tweek had never seen in his life, Clyde hovered over him, and that was the beginning of the end.  It hurt more than any spell could heal, Tweak felt violated, like he couldn’t breath, the dried tears stuck to his cheeks stung, and his whole body ached, he fell into a fitful, dreamless sleep.  

  
  
  
  
  
   
  
 


	4. Espionage and Stratagem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My smol son Tweek gets a little more plot to his kidnapping and Craig is gay and angry enjoy this chapter 3 days early

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to say thank you to all of you guys who leave kudos and comments because it's one of the main reasons i still write this fic , props to yall!

The forest isn’t ever a place you want to sleep in, unless you have a death wish, it was damp, smelled like manure and hid the most ferocious of beasts such as Dire Wolves and Dire bears. So needless to say Craig was not even remotely enjoying his little stop, however it was ironically the safest place he could be without having to move every ten minutes. The thief sighed, “fuck” and turned around to face the earth and slowly silence overtook him. When he awoke, the smell of gunpowder and smoke tinged in his nostrils, so the raven,  _ once again  _ ran away from the action, his next stop was the Elven base of  Neuken, which served as a bunker when situations arise. Craig thought about how he had run from Tweek when he was kidnapped, and began to ask himself questions. Is he ok?  _ Probably not.  _ Am I a terrible person for leaving him?  _ For the most part, yes, shit, why am i talking to myself? _ Craig then realized that he had been talking to himself and continued his trek  along the rough clay and soot covering the ground. 

 

Our young trusty Paladin has woken up, and he is bathed in light streaming in from a large circular window on the left side of the room, he rubs the sleep out of his eyes and joins the leaders in a Stratagem meeting. The noble paladin yawned and slumped into his seat, head still drooping from tiredness, suddenly a loud voice shone through like mumbling and whispers of the table, it was Kyle’s (or the Eleven Warlord but butters didn’t think it fit him) and he boomed, “Alright! Who has any idea how to stop Clyde.. And save Craig and (what was his name, Tweek>)?” Everybody was silent, because really, who knew anything? The warlord sighed and propped himself up to leave the room and  attend to his knight when a knock was heard on the wooden door. The wizard kings voice boomed “Come in!” and in came a hooded figure. His voice was raspy, as if he’d been running and didn’t have enough time to breathe, Our young paladins voice rang clear, 

_ “Hello Craig” _

And then he collapsed. 

 

Everything hurt, whatever blessing that kept the blonde from feeling any pain had worn off indefinitely. The room he was kept in was drabby and disgusting, the walls were littered with fungus and stains of many colors and the floor was even worse, it smelled like mildew and rot and the entire atmosphere smelled like decay. Tweak just barely opened his heavy  lidded eyes to see nothing less than what he expected, nobody there to rescue him. He imagined Craig beating the  _ shit  _ out of some of these lackeys and carrying him out and back into the light where they would run away together and live in the meadows. Tweek sighed, that would never happen, the war would just be picking up by the time he was rescued, oh god, what if nobody came for him? Did everyone forget about him? The barbarian let out a frustrated squeak  and tried to sleep, but heard hushed voices from a hallway to his left. 

_ “We cannot continue on like this sir, we aren’t making any advances on the Zaron resident besides hurting the normal folk and not even think about who’s important like warlords and the king himself? It’s complete blasphemy !’ _

There was a pause and then Clyde spoke.

_ “You may be right General Black, but we need to have a careful plan, if we strike now it’d be too obvious, however if we continue to gently prod at them, they will constantly be on their toes, but when we stop, we charge on and they’ll never see it coming, then, and only then will we do more then hurt the normal folk. Now General Black, don’t we have somewhere to be?”     _

__ __

The talking stopped.

Tweak shivered and tried to cover himself with the little bedding he had been provided and sipped a tin cup of water, was this what his humdrum life as a coffee shop owner had lead to? His parents were already dead, at least they had gone out quick, like a candle being extinguished, but he was going to spend his last moments wasting away in a straw bed, already dead. Tweak let out a dry sob, he was going to die alone, alone and afraid. 

 

Ok, waking up in a plush bed with no more aches and pains is a hell of a lot better than what the thief had experienced the previous  morning, so being told by yet  _ another _ cute blonde guy (seriously, did the humans have a vault of ‘em or something?)  that he was needed in a Stratagem meeting was mildly shocking, so the raven sluggishly got dressed and yawned into the main room. The meeting remained uneventful until The Grand Shitbag (the Grand Wizard but he was more of a shitbag then a king) yelled out “Why don’t we send in the troops we have trained? We already have a good idea of where Clyde may be, so let’s squash him like the little turd he is! I bet he’s even crying as we speak!” he sneered.  _ Well..he isn’t wrong, then again he isn’t right either  _ Craig thought while picking at his nails, still finding earth and dried blood in them. But it was then decided that the remaining 15,000 soldiers would scout out and destroy Clyde's HQ, and Craig would be on the job of spying on the enemy from the inside. So he had to go undercover of course, with his elven ears tucked away and his clothes replaced with those of a farmer, Craig 

Slowly but surely left the castle and made his way to the badlands.  _ Great. More forest   _ the thief groaned, the journey was relatively easy but he still didn’t feel like doing it. Suddenly the carrier pigeon alerted him that Tweak was inside the castle as a hostage, and needed to be rescued ASAP. With the mere mention of the blonde, the raven was charging toward the  gloomy looking tower, filled with rage and vengeance.   __

 

   
  
   
  
 


End file.
